Building Community Through Courage
“The sense of community is the most essential element in building a better world.” — Unknown
I want to extend my sincere gratitude to Perry Gruber and his work through the Transamorous Network. More importantly, I want to thank him for the honesty, courage, and vulnerability he demonstrates by choosing to be visible and heard at a time when anti-trans rhetoric and misinformation seem louder than ever.
Perry is a Black transamorous man who speaks openly about a conversation that many trans-attracted cisgender men have avoided for far too long—a conversation with ourselves and with the broader transgender community. He challenges us to examine the shame, fear, and secrecy that keep so many men hidden in the closet, afraid of being judged, labeled, or misunderstood.
This internal conflict is not only painful for the individual; it also deprives us of community. When people are forced to hide, meaningful relationships become difficult to build. We lose opportunities to support one another, to grow, and to contribute to a more compassionate world.
For several months, I have been reading articles on the Transamorous Network and watching Perry's interviews. If you care about transgender rights, allyship, healthy relationships, or understanding the experiences of trans-attracted men, I highly recommend exploring his work.
Drawing from his background as a therapist, Perry approaches this often-overlooked community with empathy and practical wisdom. His message is simple but powerful: you are not alone. He encourages trans-attracted cisgender men to seek honest answers about who they are, to heal from shame, and to build healthy relationships with themselves, their transgender partners, other trans-attracted men, and the broader LGBTQ+ community.
At a time when public support for transgender people has declined and harmful stereotypes continue to circulate, many trans-attracted men remain silent because they believe something must be wrong with them—or because they believe they are the only ones who feel the way they do. These misconceptions hurt everyone. They isolate men, dehumanize transgender people, and make genuine connection more difficult.
Perry's writing gives voice to those who have felt invisible. More importantly, it offers a pathway toward understanding, self-acceptance, and allyship. It helps trans-attracted men recognize that they have a role to play in the ongoing fight for transgender equality and human rights.
That same belief inspired me to write Cake Walk and Love Cake. Through fiction, I wanted to explore the emotional realities of loving a transgender partner, confronting shame, and learning what it means to stand openly beside someone you care about. Both novels ask a simple but important question: What becomes possible when we stop hiding from ourselves and start building community with others?
The Transamorous Network is doing important work. It reminds us that creating a better world begins with examining ourselves. Before we can build a better world, we must first be willing to challenge our fears, confront the shame that keeps us isolated, and embrace the deeper truths about who we are.
If we're serious about building a stronger community and a more compassionate society, these are conversations worth having.
I encourage you to visit the Transamorous Network. Read the articles. Watch the interviews. Sit with the questions they raise. If you're a trans-attracted cisgender man, consider what fears, assumptions, or beliefs may be keeping you hidden. If you're a member of the transgender community or an ally, listen with curiosity and compassion to experiences that are too often left unspoken.
The sense of community we all seek isn't something someone else creates for us—it's something we create together through courage, honesty, and connection. Perry Gruber's work reminds us that change begins within. When we learn to accept ourselves, we become better partners, better allies, and better members of our communities.
Most importantly, don't let the conversation end there. Share what you learn. Speak up when you hear misinformation. Support transgender people in your community. Support the organizations and advocates doing the work. Build relationships across difference. See transgender people—especially trans women—not as stereotypes or political talking points, but as complete human beings worthy of dignity, respect, love, and belonging.
A better world begins when ordinary people decide to stop hiding and start showing up for one another. If we truly believe that community is the most essential element in building a better world, then the work starts with each of us. Read. Listen. Learn. Grow. And then ring the bell for someone else who may still believe they are alone.
This version also subtly reinforces the mission behind Cake Walk, Love Cake, and Ringing the Bell: using stories and honest conversations to help people move from isolation toward community.
